Friday, 14 February 2014

"totally asymmetrical breasts..."

"I wanted to respond to those ads which I see in newspaper to have them toned through
some sort of balm or massage.  However, later I found that all those creams are nothing
but hoax. 

I am also not looking forward to my potential knight in shining armour to go all derogatory about
my ill-aligned boobs.

Few months back I discussed it with mom and she went furious and rejected the idea for
have reconstructive surgery out rightly. 

Having said that, I am dispatching few of my yucky knocker’s clicks."

Dear Submitter, 
I appreciate your strength in sending a submission that clearly has caused you a lot of sadness and insecurity. But to be honest with you, I had to look at your pictures for quite a while to look for the 'imperfections' you were referring to... and still... I can't see any issues. 

I hope that you have been following this project and have seen that breasts come in all shapes and sizes. Not everyones nipples look the same...and thats ok! I can't see any real asymmetry at all, lots of women's nipples point outwards... some point upwards, some point downwards...and some point forward...that's just how it is - variety, it strengthens the gene pool! 

I am so deeply saddened to hear that you were taunted about your breasts by a 'close friend'...there is absolutely no reason that someone should comment on others breast shape or size, its very personal and highly sensitive...that was a very unkind thing to do. That may have contributed to why you view your breasts in such a negative light. There is NOTHING wrong with them at all.

Also, I'm glad you saw past those ads in the paper, these things are never credible. Don't consult anyone other than a licensed doctor in regard to matters about your body and health. 

In my view, it's bizarre that you went as far as thinking about 'reconstructive surgery' - what on earth for?!! what would you 'reconstruct' ? 

Please don't live in fear of what will happen when you expose your breasts to a man. Straight men are usually very happy to see a pair of nekkid boobs. They have other thoughts in their mind once those are me, no one will be sitting around analyzing the exact proportions and symmetry of your breasts. Plus I don't think anyone's are perfectly symmetrical. 

Do not refer to them as 'yucky knockers' again! They are perfectly lovely. 

Hope everyone has had a fine anti-mullah valentines day! (In actuality I despise the day myself, but I'm on board if it pisses the extremists off).

So I drew a little somethin' 

Friday, 7 February 2014

"I'll give you a month's additional pay if..."

I'm sure a lot of women can relate to being treated in a sexist way at the workplace. This submitter's case is extreme...and a rare occurrence I hope. But truly... my heart goes out to her, I can't imagine what she must've felt like...after being treated like a commodity in a flesh bazaar. I mean the fucking audacity of this boss beyond horrific. What kind of person does someone have to be... to even broach this topic with someone else? How huge of a fuckwad do you have to be to think this is a conversation that is ok to have?

To varying degrees, most of us women are treated like we're property..or objects...simply there to please a man...

In Pakistan sexism is accepted and commonplace, masquerading as 'culture'. So men worry less about consequences of saying such things. But thats not to say it doesn't happen elsewhere...I worked at a place here in Canada where the big boss man stroked tattoos on my shoulder very inappropriately, as well as running his finger along my ear (so gross, I know) --- and this was in front of multiple witnesses. Everyone, including myself just froze at the awkward inappropriateness of the behaviour. I was stunned and felt incredibly violated for days after...I never went to HR though, because I didn't even know how to put that into words...I was afraid of not being believed, or being perceived as a trouble maker. I did not want to lose my job and I never had direct contact with this I let it go. I shouldn't have...but sadly I did. And that's what we often do....we shrink away from such problems - especially if the one causing the issue is someone in a position of power (and it often is). So so unfair of people in an advantageous position to put you in that spot.... had it been a co-worker I definitely would have filed a complaint. But the CEO....uh...I just felt lost.

Didn't stay in that job for much longer.

That was several years ago now, but I think I learned a lot from that experience. I'd like to think if I was mistreated like that again, I would speak matter who it was. In fact that experience was one of many that motivated me to start blogging.

To the submitter; Please know that you are not alone in this. What you were propositioned with is awful. Do you think you would react differently if something similar happened again? I don't even know what advice to give you regarding this type of thing. I'm stumped really....especially in Pakistan.... what would have happened if you went to HR?

People are afraid to speak out because victim-blaming is the easier option for society. In all sorts of abuse cases, childhood sexual abuse, adult sexual abuse, physical abuse, inappropriate behaviour.... you name it... thats what we have to change. Everyone reading can help, by remembering that.

Till next time.... Ladies, please keep your submissions coming!

Thursday, 30 January 2014

"Brown People Are Comparitively Uglier"

Its funny how the last blogpost was the only one that actually had the breasts covered in it so far.... and yet caused quite a reaction.

Some teenager saw the blog ... let his ignorant feelings spill out...that was kind of amusing/sad. Sometimes I really weep for the future and people of our country.

Children... I will say this slowwwwwly .......

this ..... is .... why.... the..... adult.... content....warning... is .... up....

If you're not mature enough to handle adult content, for fucks sake... stay away from such sites.

Apparently he scrolled through a few of the posts and he was "Scarred for life"

Thats right.... scarred by the 'Ugly South Asian breasts' he had to see. For the record, this man-child is all for equality... because he thinks South Asian penises are just as ugly... oh and limp too apparently.

No it is not asking men to 'bear' brown women's ugly breasts. LOL ..... u fucking moron. Jesus.
The 'bear' is for all the shit us WOMEN are put through... and how we have to BEAR a lifetime of misogyny and discrimination just because we have a fucking pair of breasts. If you could wrap your little head around that, it'd be great...

Lets not forget the golden tweet.....such words of wisdom...wait for it....

Yup... you heard it. Brown guy says ...brown ppl are comparitively uglier. Comparatively to who? How do you stand to look in the mirror every day?

He keeps justifying himself by saying he was just expressing disgust/repulsion at the human body. Yeah... seriously... thats his justification. Comparing normal images of the human body to a bacterial infection. Lovely to know u perceive them both as equally repulsive.

Not to mention he totally fucking missed the point of my project. Clearly he was only on here to look at pictures, because if he had read anything about it ... he'd know better than to say this shit.

And man child also assumed my blog was about showcasing defective breasts.... ummm wtf. Just cuz they're brown...there's something wrong with them? What on earth gave him the idea that there was anything wrong with them ... we will never know.

There were a few other idiots knocking about... tweeting about how I'm probably a guy who just wants pictures of women's breasts. Sigh. That joke is old though...hope it stroked your dick enough.

The pride that he takes in pissing off feminists is grossly indicative of a much larger problem. Parents, you're raising little douchebag misogynists....try a bit harder to raise them to desire equality....

For the record're doing something very wrong if you're upsetting feminists. Feminists are only people that want equality for men and women.

I like that you're guessing my age too, this seems to be a great topic of interest....if I were to venture a guess from your tweets, I'd say you were about 7.

He was so distraught at being exposed (no pun intended), that he sent me two emails the very next day. Further clarifying his idiocy without the restrictions of a 140 character limit.

"First of all I want to let you know that I have been reading your blog since almost 2 years now, and I have always admired your audacity, and guts. There are very few woman who are so open and vocal about their issues. I wish more women had the guts to speak out. "

Now if we have more men like yourself in our country who think brown breasts are ugly... how do you think that will make a brown woman feel about herself? Do you think she'll be encouraged to speak out in your presence?

"Brown people (yes people not just females) are comparatively uglier: I think this is a personal choice. Some people like brunettes, some like blondes. Some women think pale men are hot while others droll over dark men. My preference for white people does not mean I hate myself. I know many white women who prefer brown men and think that they are hot. So deeming my personal as a consequence of colonization seems quite absurd. "

Oh are such a warrior for equality. Glad you clarified that its not just women, but the whole race that you find uglier. I don't think deeming an entire race unattractive is a matter of personal choice, its outright douchebaggery. People have preferences, of course, but in that.. they do not say entire races are ugly. Saying white ppl are hot (though even that generalization is stupid) .. is quite different from saying brown ppl are ugly. If you're a remotely smart teenager, you'll shut up and listen. Try to broaden your mind. There is still time for you. I totally chalk your brown hate up to some weird lingering post colonial syndrome. But unless we have a scientist and shrink fully analyze the situation... we can't say if I'm right or wrong.

"Why I think your #BearOurBreasts campaign is absurd: Because I believe this objectifies women. Why do we always have to talk about a woman's body? Be it men or women everyone loves this topic. I am certainly not a prude. But why must a woman be subject of objectification? Why not men? I have never seen anyone speak about it. I live in Karachi. Half of the city's walls are full of ads about hakeems who can cure 'men problems'. I mean there must be a reason for this. Still I don't see any talk regarding the sexual incompetence of men."

Once again, you totally miss the point. There are many reasons why its important to talk about womens bodies in a non sexual context. Expecially in a country like Pakistan, where men think their bodies are property. I can refer you to a good article that will explain more.

And seriously, you're saying that you don't see any talk regarding the sexual incompetence of men? Get your story straight and then we'll talk.

"I have got a problem with the hashtag as well. Bear our breasts.
Are men immaculate/perfect themselves? Forget breasts, women with beautiful breasts, 
pale skin and 
everything are treated like scum in our society. Women are mistreated just
they are women. Not 
because of the size or shape of their breasts or anything.
The problem 
your campaign is that it is 
objectifying women. 
Men need to 'bear' women as 
a whole (and equal) person not just their breasts."

Are you really this clueless? Please do some research before you criticize something. 
The full name of the project is 'WE Bear Our Breasts'. 

"I think you are overly and unnecessarily aggressive."

Oh... I see.... you don't like that I.... *a woman* and a brown one at that, have opinions. 
So sorry about that.

"Having read your blog on-and-off for the past couple of years, there have been several occasions where I did not 
agree with your way of looking at things. But I never sent you any hate mail, or said anything against your blog. 
For two reasons: 

(a) I think maybe I am too naive to understand. 
(b) I believe that everyone's entitled to their own personal opinions."

OMFG... you DIDN'T send me hate mail?!! I am soooo sooo thankful for that.... somebody get this guy a medal... I mean imagine reading things you disagree with AND not sending hatemail. wow.

"I hope against hope that you'll appreciate my courteous behaviour, and respond in the same manner."

How exactly was this courteous?

Anyhoo.... next post coming soon. Don't scar yourselves nudity haters, just don't look.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

"...grab my ass in a public place..."

Unwarranted ass-grabbing is an epidemic in our country. Almost exclusively done by men... to unsuspecting women. 

Like seriously, its a fucking epidemic... if we took it seriously enough, we'd have an anti-ass grabbing Public Service Announcement on national television. (I have seen some cool initiatives online...but this needs to go on a more accessible medium like TV)

Even my poor old grandmother can't go to sunday bazaar without a giant chaadar (sheet) wrapped around herself... because she's told me that men have grabbed her. I mean..... how fucking sick and desperate do you have to be... to grab a grocery shopping grandma?

And of course, the natural solution everyone has to this is that women cover themselves up more and more when they go out. No focus on the assholes that go around grabbing/molesting women against their will. Its a man's world after all ... and that's what men supposedly do. If i was a man i'd take serious offence to these savage animals.

I remember one time while I was in Pakistan ...and in some amazing, intriguing, distracting open-air bazaar.... I had my ass grabbed (this was the first time it happened) - it took me a second to realise what had just transpired.... I was livid and looked around to grab the guy by the collar .... but I was in the middle of a massive crowd .. with no way of knowing who grabbed me. The utter helplessness I felt at that moment... was something I will never forget.

Of course, I've had unwanted body contact in crowded buses with men in Toronto too.... so relax before you send me your "Don't ruin Pakistan's reputation and why don't you write about the West" emails. But it's rare. Equally horrid when it happens.... but while I lived in Pakistan, it was almost a given if I wanted to go somewhere crowded. That should never be an expectation when you're leaving the house.

Dear submitter: I love your nails, what a fun colour!

Send your submissions to nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom - and remember to include a line or two about when/how you've felt discriminated against/opressed because of your gender.

Friday, 10 January 2014

A woman's place is in the home...

So in previous posts, we've been speaking a bit about how women in our country often police each other for the smallest things... like a bra strap showing, or heaven forbid if someone were to make out the shape of your nipples through your clothing.

We still haven't moved much beyond the 1950's in Pakistan, and sometimes I question if we've even reached the 1900s at all.

With joint families still in existence, we have the perfect environment for woman-on-woman policing. That's right the notorious 'mother-in'law' ---- who knows why so many of them insist on living up to that stereotype.

The situation this submitter describes is sadly not an uncommon one at all, in our part of the world. I have personally seen several mothers-in-law trying to dictate what their daughters-in-law should wear, etc. And similarly the new recruit/maid daughter-in-law is expected to take over the 'womanly' duties.... namely, anything to do with the household/kitchen. Just as her mother-in-law before her... and hers before her. Its so common, that we don't even bat an eyelid... or think for a moment how damaging it is to a persons self worth to be told what to wear and what their respective duties are.

Its Twenty Fourteen for fucks sake. Women, can we at least count on each other to be less misogynistic from now on?

And on that note, as always, please keep those submissions comin' - it's time to expose this bullshit for what it is. Send to:


Friday, 3 January 2014

"Your Nipples Are Showing...."

If people have such an averse reaction to bra straps showing in the land of the pure, imagine how they would feel if a woman's nipples were able to be detected through clothing. 

Admittedly its distracting, and if I can see someone's nipples poking through their shirt, I don't know where to look.... but I certainly don't find myself in a position to tell them to go put a bra on. Every woman should have that much (and FAR more) ownership over their own bodies. The fact that people have said this to this submitter is outrageous... the nerve... honestly, how can someone think to make such a personal decision on behalf of another? 

And what of those times when someone's nipples insist on showing through the bra... what then... chop them off? 

We need to stop having this bra-policing attitude (and its almost always women) - and know that an adult woman can make these choices/decisions for herself. 

I'm a feminist, its no secret. But I don't have the guts to leave my house bra-less. I will however defend every woman's right to do so (sometimes bras can be fucking uncomfortable).  If this submitter wants to, then she should be able to... more power to her! That element of choice is key to freedom. I may not want to do it, but I want to have that choice. 

Once again, thank you ladies for your wonderful, varied and beautiful submissions! Please keep em comin' 

send to nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom

Friday, 27 December 2013

"Your Bra Strap is Showing"

I can totally relate to this weeks submission. And it fucking pisses me off when others (almost always women) feel the need to keep an eye on my bra straps. When I was younger and gothier I would wear ultra flamboyant bras with sheer fishnet shirts, sometimes sparkly and sometimes fluorescent.... clearly I did not give a fuck if my strap was showing. But still, I encountered the odd person telling me my strap was showing. 

Frankly, what is the big deal? 

why are we so afraid of breasts, that we can't even have the strap of the thing that holds them up peek out? 

It isn't the biggest scandal in the universe... and clearly sometimes people are going through far more important things to worry about how much of their bra strap is showing. As you can see the person in the picture below was going through something a tad more important. Lets get things in perspective, and not hate on, or fear breasts so much in the future. 

Ladies, if u see a defiant bra strap boldly looking out into the world.... just let it be. It too deserves to feel the warmth of the sun.